


Sweet Agony

by EveTomlinson



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-04
Updated: 2013-12-04
Packaged: 2018-01-03 10:42:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1069517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EveTomlinson/pseuds/EveTomlinson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis Tomlinson is broken, far too broken for anyone to care. His world revolves around self harm and depression, not letting anyone into his shattered existence. He believes that hes done, no reason to keep going, no reason to keep trying. That is until he stumbles upon the new music shop in Doncaster, 17 Black. When an accidental stumble at a small shop becomes Louis' only ounce of hope, he'll do anything to keep it. To keep him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sweet Agony

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Louis shifted his fork over the massive heap (or so he thought) of mashed potatoes and carefully grilled chicken on his cream coloured plate; his mind wanting to squish the light, soft creation until it completely disappeared. Just merely thinking about raising the food to his mouth made him want to gag.

 

"Louis, eat." His mum Jay eyed him worriedly, her finger pointing down at his plate as if showing Louis that he hadn't had one single drop of the homemade meal, even though he'd been sitting there for close to 30 minutes. Louis gulped as he felt his younger sisters eyeing him, their forks gently grazing their plates as the mashed potatoes failed to hold onto the forks silver fangs. 

 

"M'not hungry, mum." He looked down at his plate, the light steam of the warm meal floating into his face, making his head twitch to the side, in attempt to dodge the gag worthy smells. 

 

Jay sighed lowly as she raised her fork to her mouth, her lips closing around the crisp, golden chicken. 

 

Lottie scoffed, reaching offer her older brothers shoulder, poking at his golden chicken leg. 

 

"I don't understand you at all Louis, mum's cooking is wondrous, and you've not had one bite." She brought the chicken leg up to her pink lips, the golden skin crunching in her mouth, making Louis shiver inwardly. What a fattening, repulsive oil engrossed sound.

 

"Eat at least a bit." Jay reached over the table, scooping up a spoonful of potatoes, holding the fork intently in front of Louis' lips. 

 

Louis nearly vomited right there. Not only were the potatoes probably insanely fattening, but they weren't that good. Why eat something that you'll not even like? He sighed, taking the fork from his mothers fingers. He put his teeth lightly around the fork, grabbing as little as the potatoes as possible. 

 

Jay raised her eyebrows, but didn't say a word. Louis put his fork down, feeling so disgusted with himself. 

 

"I don't get it, Lou. How come you're not eating my homemade meals anymore? They used to be your favourite. You sat at the dining table for maybe 4 minutes, you did. What's happened?" Jay took a sip of her Yorkshire Tea, her warm eyes on her son, who looked ill. Maybe it's a bug. What else could it be? 

 

"I'm just feeling off, mum. Don't worry. Probably'll wear off soon." Louis gulped, giving her a soft smile, pushing the now cold plate away from his sight. The steam from his 2nd cuppa reached his nostrils, making his stomach churn and groan, making Jay frown softly. 

 

"Someone's got the rumbles, yeah? Is it just my food? Is it not good enough anymore?" Louis immediately shook his head, his hands shifting awkwardly in his lap. 

 

"No, god no,mum your food is heavenly, I'm just not hungry, I'm really not. I'm positive that I'll be better tomorrow." He eyed his plate, praying that tomorrow's supper would be a salad or something that he could at least gulp down without worrying about the fat. 

 

Those potatoes were probably 2 pounds worth.

 

Louis shifted in his seat. He cannot, cannot put on 2 fucking pounds. No. 

 

"Alright. Drink a cuppa, it'll do you good. Get off to bed, hm?" She patted the back of his hand gently, standing up from the table. She grabbed Louis still full plate, heading into the kitchen. 

 

Louis looked up at his younger sisters, but they were too focused on their own plates full of chicken nuggets and mashed potatoes and biscuits. 

 

Louis couldn't even imagine how they managed to eat so much. What is that fact, you're stomach is as big as your fist? Louis sure as hell knows that meal is not the size of any bloody existing fist. 

 

He brought his cup of Yorkshire Tea up to his lips, the soothing taste engulfing his taste buds. This was the only thing he bothered to keep down. It was all he ever loved, plus, the tea wasn't fattening at all, sure, it wasn't the same without the flavouring that he'd become used to, but it was good enough. 

 

He shook his head lightly, pushing his chair back with his heels, standing up. He kissed each of his sisters, then headed up the stairs to his room. He'd lost about 10 pounds so far, now at 129, but for Louis, that isn't enough. He needs to lose more. A lot more. Some blokes want abs, muscle; Louis just wants to see his ribs, for his wrists to pop out. 

 

He slipped off his light, grey shit, his hand immediately falling to his small tummy. Oh how much he despises his fucking tummy. To him its the most disgusting thing in the world. 

 

Tears pricked at his eyelids as he studied himself, his body image so bad in his eyes. 

 

He took in a breath through his teeth, his shoulders shaking slightly. Why can't he be perfect? Why is he so fucking fat? So pig-like. He wants to see bone, not fat. He wants to be able to grasp his skin in his hand and not grasp any fat, because fat is disgusting. Louis' fat (not much left) is the most disgusting thing that he ever points out to himself.

 

Louis scoffed at himself as he stared himself down in his mirror, disgust and need filling his body. He turned around, locking the bathroom door behind himself. He grabbed his blue toothbrush, getting on his knees in front of his white porcelain, he quickly glided the toothbrush to the back of his throat, and he began gagging almost immediately. For a few moments, nothing happened because there really isn't anything that Louis can give. He knows that for the past week, he's only eaten maybe 3 meals, but not even that. Afterwards he just vomits it up. 

 

Louis' gut twisted violently, making his entire body ache as he spit out the contents of his stomach. He sighed, standing up slowly, then cleaned himself up as best he cod, but he was quite positive that he looked like death itself. 

 

He looked back up to the mirror, his eyes meeting identical pairs. He studied himself for a few moments. His bone structure was insanely visible everywhere. His cheekbones, collarbones, chin. His crisp, cerulean eyes are no longer bright nor beautiful; now they blink away as a dull, foggy grey colour. 

 

Louis isn't very short, but not too tall either. He stand at 5' 10", maybe 5' 11". His weight does not balance out with his lifestyle, as his height and weight make him look bone chillingly skinny by the minute, but he doesn't see it. All he sees is fat; fat that can be forced away.

 

He walked into his room, gently slipping into his navy blue, quilt filled bed. He closed his eyes, trying to stop his tears from falling. Louis doesn't quite know when this obsession to be thin started; but it might've been when he was in grade 8, and he told everyone that he was gay. His so thought friend, Zayn Malik, never looked at him in positive light ever again. Whenever Zayn would see Louis, nothing but insults would be spit out of his mouth. Their bond was broken, and Zayn became Louis' bully. 

 

Nonetheless, Louis still loved Zayn, he loved him as a brother, maybe more, even. He's never said anything because if Zayn found out, Louis would for sure be in for it. Even though Zayn hits, insults, breaks louis, he'll always love him, and Louis hates himself for it.

 

A knock on his door made him sit up in a jolt, quietly thanking himself for not crying, or else his eyes would be visibly puffy and red to whoever was at the door. 

 

"Lou? Can I come in?" Jay's light voice was muffled by the wooden door, making Louis sigh. It's a bloody Saturday evening, can't he just be left alone?

 

"Yeah." He sat up, staring intently at the door as his mother walked in, an apron around her body. Louis had to stop himself from gagging as the smell of some baked delicacy filled his nostrils. What's his mum up to now? 

 

She stood in front of his bed, a small frown on her lips. "There's a new music store across the street, think the folks are new in town, thought it'd be nice to bake them an apple pie. Could you go round and give it to them?" Louis groaned. 

 

"Mum, we don't even know them. What if they're some kind of killers? They're fine without apple pies." Jay laughed quietly. 

 

"The pies not for you, so stop your moaning. Now hurry, think they close in a few minutes. Go on then!" She hit his knee, setting the pie down on his nightstand. 

 

"Alright, alright." Louis stood up slowly, running his hands up and down his face, quite sure that this pie run will be a complete waste of time.


End file.
